The Trouble with Boys :: Personal Narrative, Autobiographical Essay

My sister asks me how I am. I tell her Ive been unproductive, distracted, and irritable. Ive been in a place before where I really didnt condole with to be dating anyone at all, save when Im in that place its usually because my defenses get gone haywire and are slaughtering innocent passers-by. Its not a destiny of fun, I gotta tell you. What I cant remember is whether its more fun - or less not-fun - than what Im intent like a shot. I mean, he seemed like a enough guy. He loves his mother. He holds down a good job. He say just enough of the right things that I believed him. Clever boy. So now Im shuttling distractedly back and forth between feeling sorry for myself and feeling sorry for him - the first, because Ive been here too goddamned many times already and why dont these boys ever hang around? and the second because, bless his petty(a) heart, he never even gave himself the chance to know just how howling(prenominal) I am. Its irritating. What bothers me alm ost as much, though, are the friends who, when Im cool with things and dont business concern whether I date anyone or not, warn me that Ill be alone forever if I dont let down my defenses and open up to the possibility of meeting Mister Wonderful, yet when Im all in a terrible state because the guy for whom Ive lastly let down my defenses seems to be dumping me, tell me I shouldnt care whether he wants to see me or not, because Im allathat and a bag of chips anyway and Ill be fine on my own. Seems like good advice care enough but not too much, want to see him but not care whether he wants to see me, keep my defenses in check but up and running... but I have yet to figure out how to do all these things at once. And while I am fine on my own, Id kinda like the opportunity to be fine with mortal for a while. I have a friend for whom this is not a problem. Her tactic, upon suspecting shes organism ditched, which she would like me to emulate, is to put on her sassiest attitude and start dating someone else - preferably one of his friends.